Thursday 29 November 2012

This evening's savior.

It can prohibit tantrums and outbreaks. The most simple laws of physics - that snow can melt.





Thanks!

Thank god for the snow! Makes our way to the daycare so much easier. OK, it takes more time to get there because Lovisa wants to stop every second meter to eat snow or make a snowball, but it's way better than a tantrum.




Tuesday 27 November 2012

About grumpy old men and crying in public.

I lost it today. Well, not as bad as Lovisa but still, crying in the metro, in front of strangers, is not something I usually do. I picked up the girls and it was more of a hassle than usual. Lovisa was in the middle of playing and had no intention to leave her friends to go out and face the crappy, dark and cold November rain. However, after at least 30 minutes of trying to get her out of the daycare, I had both girls and the stroller with me on the the way to the metro. Lovisa made it as far as the doors to the metro station where she freaked out. For no obvious reason she refused to enter through the doors. She's stood in the middle of the entrance with her little umbrella and prohibited people to come in or out whereupon I was forced to carry her away from there. When I carried her away she got furious and started to scream. Throwing herself on the floor (and at this point I was already exhausted from the effort it took to get her out from the daycare), totally hysteric she was pounding her hands on the ground. People were starring and one old man, that was sitting on a bench, talking on his mobile phone, yelled at her out loud "Shout up!". Lovisa didn't even hear him but I did and I felt the panic and anger building up inside me. Couldn't he see that she's a three year old that right in this moment is struggling with herself? Then he turned to me and yelled "Could you please put a silencer on her!". And I'm not kidding - he really screamed. I felt the tears building up inside and I finally forcibly picked Lovisa up and somehow (I don't really know how) managed to get her and the stroller, were Andréa was sitting, through the barriers to get to the metro, while tears of anger ran down my cheeks. 

When we finally got home, after another fit, I was totally exhausted. Lovisa too. Thank god my mother was here and prepared supper. When I tucked Lovisa in tonight she looked at me seriosly and said "Sorry mum for screaming in the metro. And sorry for screaming while "monsieur" was on the phone." I kissed her and said "I love you so much. Everything is OK." In my head I was thinking: Screw you, grumpy old guy!

My mother and a glass of whine is just what I needed tonight.

Monday 26 November 2012

A cake on her head.

At the girls daycare they're preparing for the yearly celebration of Saint Lucia the 13th of December. When we talked about it at home I wasn't quite prepared for Lovisa's reflection: "But why does she have a cake on her head?"...


Sunday 25 November 2012

We survived the first day...

After a poop catastrophe this morning, continuing with Lovisa being in her worst mood I think we got through this day with our sanity intact. I'm eating Novalucol and drinking Samarin and my stomach is not great but much better than yesterday. Now I'm going to prepare all the clothes and daycare items including my own workstuff and foodbox so tomorrow morning is going to be as smooth as possible. All you single parents out there - you are my heroes!




Saturday 24 November 2012

Bye H!

H is leaving early tomorrow morning and Lovisa doesn't want to stop cuddling with him. Suitable enough I have a weird stomach pain that doesn't want to let go so I've spent most of the day in horizontal mode. I really hope it's gone tomorrow or we're in for a painful and long couple of weeks...

Thursday 22 November 2012

A day with Lovisa.

After a terrible night when Lovisa woke up and was really sad a few times I decided to stay home with her. We went to the doctor to check out her little stomach and she was really happy to get my whole attention. And going to the doc's was quite the adventure...


They have nice toys there and the doctor was so funny with all her tools and strange machines... Even taking a blood sample was a piece of cake because Lovisa was so fascinated of everything... As I suspected everything turned out well, no ongoing infection and everything else seemed fine. Tonight she had a long bath, I cut her hair and painted her toenails. Now she's sleeping and I'm hoping for a better night... I think she really needed only me for a day. My little, big girl...

Wednesday 21 November 2012

New hairdresser...

And a new haircut. About bloody time.


How to know...

How do you know if your three-year old just is defiant or if something is really wrong? Lovisa doesn't seem happy at all right know and it's hard to take. She's only happy short moments and in between it's whining, crying and screaming. A new thing she started with is to complain about stomach ache. Now, how do you really know if she's just trying to get attention or if she actually has a pain in her little belly? I don't know. She's usually pretty easy to divert when she has her terrible mood swings but lately it's been impossible. She doesn't eat properly, she's not content and she seems unhappy. A three-year old shouldn't be miserable! Or is it just her "terrible three" that we have to bare? Tonight I yelled at her numerous times and she gets really sad and then I get a bad conscious. You shouldn't scream at a three-year old but I just can't help myself sometimes. Now I've just carried a sleeping Lovisa to her bed, she woke up crying and whining, like she had a bad dream. I tried to comfort her but she pushed me away but in the same time she really needed me. Then she started complaining about her stomach again and finally she fell asleep in my arms totally exhausted  And in the back of my head I can't help thinking that on Sunday H is going to Canada for two whole weeks. God help us all...


The girls night saves my day.

This morning could have started better. Lovisa bled nose blood all over her pillow, I was late because I had to comfort her, I ran to the metro only to discover that I forgot my phone. Jumped off the metro at the next stop and had to wait 10 minutes to go back and get the stupid phone. Now I'm going to be so late for work. If I'm freaking out? Nope, I'm still living on my girlsnight yesterday evening with nice conversation with a good friend and the best paella I've eaten for a very long time...

Monday 19 November 2012

My skin.

Remember this? Well, here's a follow up... All my adult life I've had a bit of problem skin. Not terrible skin but far from perfect. As a teenager my skin was OK, I hardly had no pimples but when I reached my twenties hell began. I have very sensitive skin, mixed type that can be both fat and dry (the older I get the drier it gets...) and I easily get black heads and small pimples. Frequent outbreaks on my chin is my landmark. You would think that after 2 kids and closing up to 35 years of age the pimples would be long gone but not for me! I've tried lots of products and I don't even want to think about how much money I've spent on my skin. I used Clinique's products for years and I honestly don't think it helped, only to empty my wallet I'm afraid... I also tried Mary Kay, Vichy and a number of other products. In August I just about had it and went to this place. They're suppose to be experts when it comes to problem skin and I followed their advise 100%. I did expensive pore cleansing, bought their costly products, put my mask on every second day and so on... But I have to say that it's not a big improvement. The only thing it might have done is making my skin even more dry, now it's so dry I feel wrinkled! So now I've decided to cancel my next appointment for pore cleansing and do something more fun with the money because god knows pore cleansing is not fun, just damned expensive.

Sitting here with my expensive mask, getting dry and wrinkled...

Did you find your "miracle" product yet? I'm in all ears...

Santa is coming!

Lovisa visited Santa at NK yesterday. Today she gave me the big news: "Santa is coming! He's old and nice. I told him I want a black duck with a red beak, a crocodile and a fish. That's enough!"

OK. Good to know...


Saturday 17 November 2012

Saturday fun...

It's no longer the pub, bar, disco and cab ride home early in the morning that's our Saturday fun. It's the mall and a ride on a horse/plane and a pancake lunch that makes our day.



Thursday 15 November 2012

"Terrible three's"...

Oh my god! Lovisa is sooooooo in her "terrible three's" right now. Every day it's several "outbreaks" when she looses it and gets hysteric. It can be the most ridiculous things, for example that I only have one banana and she has to share it with Andréa - hysteric fit! Or that she doesn't get the right glas to drink water from - hysteric fit! Or that I put rice on her plate but she wanted to put her own food on her plate - HYSTERIC FIT!!! The other day she was laying on the ground outside the daycare, screaming, hitting the ground and crying because she didn't get to choose which way we took to the metro, Andréa (that doesn't really want to sit in the stroller anymore) was already on her way to the metro and I was standing in the middle trying to convince Lovisa to come to her senses and come with us home and in the same time I was shouting to Andréa to wait for me. A dad and his son passed us and gave me an encouraging look and said "Been there, done that - you just hang in there!". I really hope that I'm going to hang in there because sometimes it certainly feels like I want to give up and also throw myself on the ground and just scream out my frustration...

She's a big girl and wants to do it her way...

Wednesday 14 November 2012

I made it! Almost...

I ran to work this morning despite the fact that a very energetic 1,5 year old woke me up around 5 am. And after work I ran almost the whole way to daycare, took the metro the last kilometers to make it in time for picking up the rascals. 16 km run today - not bad!


Tuesday 13 November 2012

Trying even harder.

Tomorrow's running clothes are on the kitchen table. My little belt bag packed with keys, cards and glasses. Yes, tomorrow morning at 6 am I'm running to work. And then I'm doubling the effort and is also planning to run home... If I survive I'll let you know how it goes.

PS I'm writing this post for a reason, now it wont be that easy for me to take the metro even if I'm dead tired tomorrow morning... DS

Monday 12 November 2012

Trying.

If everything around you feels like chaos it's easier if you think that at least you have a bit of control over yourself. Thank god I took my last pill of antibiotic this past weekend so I finally can start exercising again. Saturday I ran 6 km in a slow pace (my first run for almost one month!), my body felt heavy but it was wonderful to run again. Today I did 45 min of core after the girls fell asleep. And on top of this a colleague of mine tricked me into buying protein powder, so nothing can stop me now, I'm heading for top shape again!

Mixed with frozen raspberries and low fat milk it tastes OK...

Sunday 11 November 2012

Bloody November darkness.

Jesus, it's dark now. The darkest month I think. I'm so tired, Lovisa is so in her "terrible three's", Andréa is teething and refuses to sleep and H is also very tired! I'm stressed out over things that I cannot write about here just yet and everything seems hopeless... I've got pimples on my chin, I need a haircut ASAP and H is leaving for Canada in a few weeks. This time he's going to be away for two weeks. Two weeks of leaving and picking up kids, working, cooking, doing laundry, comforting sad girls, taking care of poop diapers and worrying all by myself... Please give me some energy, light and hope.




Friday 9 November 2012

Friday coma...

It's a beautiful November day. Even my ugly work greets me in early, shining colors. Everyone at work are a bit more excited and happy than usual, its that day off the week we've all been waiting for and even people in the metro, usually grumpy strangers, has that "Thank god its Friday" smile on their lips. I'm just exhausted, to tired to feel anything and instead of reading a book I close my eyes and fade away dreaming off a whole nights sleep...


My work, early this morning...

Wednesday 7 November 2012

My girls favorite.

Poor 1 liter of fat milk in a pot. Boil up and add 5 dl of macaroni (the old fashioned ones, not the fastboiling kind). Add salt and pepper. Let it simmer for 25 min. Fry or boil sausages. Fix some vegetables, any kind you can dig out from your fridge. Watch your children eat more than you can possibly imagine. I really thought mine were going to burst!

Monday 5 November 2012

Less than a day.

Back at work less than a day and then the daycare called again to say that Andréa has diarrhea. So bloody tiresome... At home she's happy, eating, playing and hasn't pooped once all evening, at daycare they said she pooped 6 times today and were really miserable. Wonder if a 1,5 year old can simulate diarrhea?!?!


Sunday 4 November 2012

A weekend in Gothenburg!

We spent the weekend at my childhood friends place in beautiful Gothenburg. She lives in a perfect house with her boyfriend and their beautiful one year old daughter. Lovely days that ended way to fast.






Some discoveries during the weekend:

  • Andréa has a very maternal and caring side, she was constantly hugging and cuddling my friends daughter that was moderately amused when she got the 10th hug within one hour.
  • "Terrible two's" was a piece of cake compared to "terrible three's" that Lovisa is in right now. Phew, she does her best to try our patience... 
  • Last but not least we have a saying in Sweden that for once is accurate: "Gammal vänskap rostar aldrig" ("Old friendship never rust").

Thursday 1 November 2012

If you didn't see it...

To all my readers that understands Swedish, if you didn't see "Torka aldrig tårar utan handskar" by Jonas Gardell you should. I had the opportunity to see it now that I've been home sick and it's with tears in my eyes that I agree with a lot of other Swedish people: it's an important piece of history that reveals the truth about the AIDS epidemic in the 1980:s. This story, based on actual events from real life, is sad, tragic, beautiful and important. You can still see it here for a few more weeks. And the actors... Beautiful, talented boys!


And to all my English readers, I think they just might translate this one so hang in there...

A better version of me.

Isn't it wonderful how you can watch your child and realize that this is a more beautiful and better version of you? Perhaps I was like that once upon a time before teenage depression, eating disorders, bad boyfriends and a bunch of less good life decisions made me harder, darker and boring (like my very wise grandmother said a few years back: "Karin, when you were a child you were so curious but now your so blasé").

It's just so lovely to see the innocent joy of discovery, the total forgiving smile or the uncontrolled joy over discovering that your body can dance. The world is upon their feet and they have no idea what's out there. It's scary and beautiful at the same time.


My girls task is to grow up and figure life out, my task is to let them do that. I don't know which one is the hardest...