Breakfast alone.

When everyone else was sound asleep I got up before 6 am to take my shower and eat my breakfast. And even though it feels a bit hard to work when most people are off, it's kind of cozy and nice. You have the time to talk to your colleagues and in the diningroom at work there are big boxes with chocolate waiting for us poor working people. On top off this the supper was on the table when I stepped through the door yesterday. Nice...

Merry Christmas! God Jul! Joyeux Noël!

Christmas Eve finally came. For a three year old a few days is like an eternity when you're waiting for Santa. And even though Lovisa right away came to the conclusion that it was "morfar" ("granddad") that was Santa, the happiness was total.

Merry Christmas to all of you!

Christmas spikes.

I bought a Christmas gift to myself - spikes for my running shoes. Now I don't have any excuse not to go out for a run. And today I did, 6,3 hard and snowy kilometers but it felt so good. Now I've just enjoyed a well earned meal: ovenbaked ham, mashed potatoes, Brussels sprouts, red beat salad and red wine. I'm on the go again!

Oh tannenbaum...

My truthful three year old...

The girls brought home a bunch of homemade Christmas ornaments from daycare. They're all pretty ugly and cheap looking but in the same time the most beautiful little treats for a mother to see!

The candle holder to the right is made by Lovisa and I enthusiastically asked her if the white stuff around it is snow. She gave me the looks and answered "No mum, it's plain paper".

I'm not working 9 to 5!

Today I worked from 07:30 am to 07:30 pm. Just because I'm so tired and stressed I thought I had a 12 hour working day to really burn myself out... And how boring it is to come home from work and everyone is asleep! I've just eaten my supper alone and written 10 Christmas cards to people that really deserves them. Now I'm going to throw this poor body of mine in bed... Where are you Christmas spirit?

Christmas burn out.

Less than one week to Christmas Eve and I haven't bought one single Christmas gift, I haven't cooked or baked anything to prepare for our traditionally "smörgåsbord", I haven't sent one Christmas card, I haven't bought our Christmas tree, I haven't prepared for my lecture on Wednesday, I haven't got time to work extra Wednesday evening even though I promised to and I HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR CHRISTMAS RIGHT NOW!!! Thank god my dad and Lena came by tonight so at least the girls got their Christmas manicure...

Now, where's the bloody joyful and peaceful Christmas spirit?

Alternative transportation

It's not the stroller that takes my girls to and from daycare right now.

And since it's dark from 3 pm here reflexes are a must!

St Lucia.

With tear filled eyes, freezing temperature and a lot of saffron and gingerbread I wish you all a happy St Lucia. I took the whole day off to be able to participate in Andréas celebration at 08:30 am and Lovisas celebration (outside - brrrrr!) at 2 pm. Wonderful tradition!

Home relaxing after singing and celebrating at the daycare!

If you want to see a beautiful, traditional Swedish St Lucia celebration check this out, takes my breath away.

Jet-lag...

H went up in the middle of the night, took his shower and started to make breakfast. I woke up just in time to convince him it was sleeping time and not eating time... The girls seem tired and more whiny than usual, hard to get to sleep and hard to get up in the morning. I feel like going in hibernation and wake up around March next year... We're all bloody jet-lagged.

Tonight it was extra needed to have a nice supper together with my colleagues...

He's finally home.

While waiting for H...

We made these "chocolate balls" with ginger, cardamom and cinnamon rolled in crushed almonds...

Trying to endure.

Today I cried because I couldn't find one of Andréa's mittens. An ordinary day I would just take another one and don't bother to much about her having two non matching mittens but today I just broke down. Two days completely alone with the girls, most of the time inside the apartment, has made it's mark. Besides crying over a lost mitten we baked around 50 saffron buns. Flour all over the kitchen and a very upset Andréa that I forbid to participate in the end because she couldn't stop eating the dough. Then H called and announced that he's not coming around lunchtime tomorrow as I thought, but just before supper time which right in that moment felt like he was going to come a whole day later... Almost...

Lovisa liked to make them round with lots of raisins...

Now I will try to endure the last night alone by cleaning up our usual mess, folding clean clothes while sipping on a glass of red whine. Wohoooo!!!

It's getting harder...

It's getting harder and harder to cope alone with the girls. I guess it's because I know that it's only two days left before H is returning. Today I was home with both girls and we had a good day although I've been yelling far to much for far to small reasons. I tried to keep ourselves busy with outings, singing, dancing, snacking, cooking and washing but I find that I'm way to impatient now. I apologized to Lovisa for yelling at her when I put her to bed and then she apologized for not listening. For a three year old she do understands a lot!

I find it helps me a lot to have strict routines with the girls. It's even more important when I'm alone and I think it helps the girls to feel more secure too.

The Friday dance after supper is mandatory

But now we're out of maple syrup, I'm so exhausted and we all miss H enormously. Two weeks is a bit to long...

What is French toast without Maple syrup? 

Like our family without H - the essential is missing...

Before and after.

On top of this I'm simultaneously hand washing clothes that happened to be soaked in pee (including my slippers) in the bathtub. Now, tea and chocolate - because I'm bloody worth it.

I'm happy...

I'm happy that somebody is using this. It's almost comical that I actually thought I would be doing a bit of exercise while H is gone. The truth is that when the girls go to bed I have to pick up the pieces and prepare for tomorrow and then I collapse...

I'm also very happy and thankful that my dad and his wife offered to stay with the girls tomorrow so I can work. Yes, it looks like Lovisa has the "hand, foot and mouth disease" as well...

Snow chaos and "hand, foot and mouth disease".

Today Stockholm is paralyzed by a snowstorm. The traffic is chaos, all my patients were late and everyone is in a state of chock. After all, it wasn't that long ago we had our summer shoes and sunhats on... Of course today of all days the daycare called me just before lunch and announced that Andréa has "hand, foot and mouth disease". And what is that you might wonder? It's a virus, like a cold, that gives your child blisters, usually on the hands, feet and in/around the mouth. Three hours after the call we're finally home. You can't be stressed in a snowstorm in Stockholm.

 You can hardly see the daycare from the metro station because of all the snow...

 Even my ugly work looked wintry this morning...

View from our window. It's good to be inside...

Now it's just to wait for the blisters and the storm to go away. No stress...

A break.

The girls are sleeping, the apartment fairly tidy and instead of writing about my crazy day I thought a little survey would be nice. I borrowed it from Kajsa.

Height: 171 cm.
Weight: 57 kg give or take.
Haircolor: Natural blonde (and yes, we do have more fun).
Eyecolor: blue.
Freckles: Not anymore. I had a few as a child but unfortunately they grew away.
The best part of my body: My legs. They take me wherever I want to go and they rarely complain. They can run pretty far if needed.
The worst part of my body: My right shoulder that had the annoying habit of dislocating several times. That's the worst pain I ever felt, way worse than any labor pain...
Scars: A few small ones from cuts, wounds and chicken pox.
Tattoos: Oh no.
Piercings: Oh no, no, no. Not even pierced ears.
Diseases: Is allergy a disease? For me it's a steady state...
Broken bones: My arm twice.
Phobia: To become overweight and fat. Silly maybe, but if the scale shows a few kilo more than usual I quickly loose it...
Obsessions: Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a feeling that the girls are missing. I imagine that Lovisa left the apartment and is wandering around outside, totally unprotected. Of course I have to get up and check on them and once I'm convinced their sleeping tight in their beds I go back to sleep.
Fears: That something bad would happen to the girls. That somebody in my family, including me, becomes seriously ill. To be a failure to myself or to others.
Party trick: I used to be pretty eager to show my "shot a tealight" trick. When the tealight has burnt to liquid you hold it up for everyone to see, blow it out and pour all the candle-grease in your mouth in one shot. Now, here's the tricky part whatever you do, don't swollow it! You keep it in your mouth until it's firm again and then you form a round ball of the soft mass inside your mouth. Take it out and show everyone, it's usually a big success. I didn't do it much lately because I burnt myself when I shot a candle that was way to warm (had been burning for hours). I couldn't eat for days. The price you pay for being tipsy...
The best emotion: to be relaxed and content together with my family. To give and receive love.
The best physical emotion: for me it's almost holy and I'm trying to remember how it was to be totally rested. I also love the feeling of those amazing endorphins that kicks in after a good work out.

Christmas is cancelled.

Intense weekend to say the least. My sister and her daughter visited and with a 1,5 year old and two 3 year olds it's not a quite second! Sliding, baking, playing, laughing, fighting, eating, whining, cuddling, bathing and so much more. And all of a sudden it was Sunday and first Advent, my sister left and all the stars and lights had to be put up in the windows. I discovered I was all out of bulbs and now it's so freaking cold here the girls needed some warmer clothes and Lovisa needed warmer boots. So it was just to take the girls and go to the mall. After we got home and the first candle was lit, I was struggling to assemble one of the bloody stars and the F-word slipped out of me and Lovisa shouted out "Cristmas is cancelled!". Not quite yet but I'm already exhausted...

 Two 3 year olds hanging out...

 Andréa baking her first ginger bread cookie...

Part of the result is now hanging in our kitchen window...

Not quite the most peaceful first Advent I had but undoubtedly a very special one...

And you know what - today is halftime. In one week H is back...

My angels.