It's no turning back now. The tickets to Sweden are booked and confirmed. I will leave Lovisa and H the 4th of March, they will join me in Sweden the 2nd of April. From the beginning I took for granted that Lovisa would be with me in Sweden but the more we thought about it the more it seemed impossible to bring her. I will be in the end of my pregnancy and will be extremely busy with my dissertation the first week. I don't have a babysitter and it's not an option to bring Lovisa to my meetings etc. But even if the practical side of me knows this my mother heart is screaming "No, no, no!!!". I'M LEAVING MY 18 MONTH DAUGHTER FOR ALMOST A WHOLE MONTH! What kind of a mother does that? I'm afraid she will hate me for this, have a big "40-year crisis" and so on...
My darlings eating breakfast
I try to convince myself that this isn't the end of the world, she will have the opportunity to bound more with her "papa", which is good since he will take a bigger responsibility over her when the new baby comes. My mother-in-law is also coming to stay with them during the whole period. That will give Lovisa a chance to get to know her "grandmama" and H will have a lot of help.
BUT MY GOD I WILL MISS HER! After my dissertation I'll be counting the days until they come and probably go insane while doing it... So, to my Swedish family and friends: you better keep me busy in March!!!
She develops so fast, it's something new happening almost everyday and it hurts me like crazy knowing I wont see her taking those little development stages. Here are a few of her favorite things right know:
Spin around until she falls and laugh hysterically while doing it... Here in her Canadian PJ (Montreals hockey team).
Play the piano, she actually plays and dance at the same time!
Climb up on the sofa or the wooden bench in the living room and have a cozy reading moment...
Although there are skype, phones and internet I will miss her wet kisses, her chubby arms around my neck, her saying "mamma" and my heart just aches.
Shit, now I'm crying to... I love her so much.
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