My guilty conscience...

It's no turning back now. The tickets to Sweden are booked and confirmed. I will leave Lovisa and H the 4th of March, they will join me in Sweden the 2nd of April. From the beginning I took for granted that Lovisa would be with me in Sweden but the more we thought about it the more it seemed impossible to bring her. I will be in the end of my pregnancy and will be extremely busy with my dissertation the first week. I don't have a babysitter and it's not an option to bring Lovisa to my meetings etc. But even if the practical side of me knows this my mother heart is screaming "No, no, no!!!". I'M LEAVING MY 18 MONTH DAUGHTER FOR ALMOST A WHOLE MONTH! What kind of a mother does that? I'm afraid she will hate me for this, have a big "40-year crisis" and so on...

My darlings eating breakfast

I try to convince myself that this isn't the end of the world, she will have the opportunity to bound more with her "papa", which is good since he will take a bigger responsibility over her when the new baby comes. My mother-in-law is also coming to stay with them during the whole period. That will give Lovisa a chance to get to know her "grandmama" and H will have a lot of help.

BUT MY GOD I WILL MISS HER! After my dissertation I'll be counting the days until they come and probably go insane while doing it... So, to my Swedish family and friends: you better keep me busy in March!!!

She develops so fast, it's something new happening almost everyday and it hurts me like crazy knowing I wont see her taking those little development stages. Here are a few of her favorite things right know:

Spin around until she falls and laugh hysterically while doing it... Here in her Canadian PJ (Montreals hockey team).

Play the piano, she actually plays and dance at the same time!

Climb up on the sofa or the wooden bench in the living room and have a cozy reading moment...

Although there are skype, phones and internet I will miss her wet kisses, her chubby arms around my neck, her saying "mamma" and my heart just aches.

Shit, now I'm crying to... I love her so much.

This pregnancy...

Today I'm 30 weeks pregnant. That means it's only 1/4 left, or 10 weeks before I'm the mother of two and H is the father of three! I can honestly tell you that I didn't see this pregnancy go by...

In the beginning of August we were on vacation in Sept-Iles (H:s hometown in the east part of Quebec). I was feeling a bit weired, very irritable, tired and my face full with acne! My acne was so bad my mother in law gave me a anti acne cream, I didn't now if I should thank her or be a bit pissed off at her...

Anyway, I just stopped breastfeeding Lovisa, I only had two irregular periods so a pregnancy didn't seem very logical. I took the test secretly, just to "make sure" I wasn't pregnant. I mean we wanted to get pregnant but we didn't expect it so fast... So I was surprised, H even more surprised, H:s family were chocked. But as my very wise mother in law said "I had seven kids in 8 years so I shouldn't be surprised at all"! Well, everything is relative!

This is how I looked like just after we found out we were having another baby:



In the end of the vacation when I was around 7 weeks pregnant I started to feel sick. When we got home it became even worse. I vomited a lot, felt very weak and I remember I was laying on the couch, unable to get up, while Lovisa was playing around me, making a mess of the livingroom, probably thinking her mum was a real bore!


We took of to Sweden when I just started to feel better, around week 13. Lovisa and me spent October in Sweden and time just flew! We returned to Montreal in the beginning of November and I started to write my thesis.

This is how I looked like "halfway", around week 20 (end of November):

Do you see the little bump?

In December the whole family got sick, I had a terrible cold for over 2 weeks, Lovisa had double earinfection and I can honestly say I didn't see Christmas go by, I was to tired from being sick, taking care of Lovisa and writing my thesis. Was I pregnant? I don't remember!
After new year, I got the stomach flu witch lasted around 2 weeks.

Now, here I am in week 30:


From now on I want to enjoy this PREGNANCY! I want to be healthy, be able to take walks and feel energetic again! I'm tired of feeling half-dead, worrying that the baby is affected by my weak health. I'm used to be strong, fit and independent. Lately I've been a whiny, miserable, doubtful, weak bitch! And my temperament has really been very unpredictable, to say the least. Poor H and Lovisa! It's a good thing you can blame it on the hormones...

New week - new possibilities...

I'm feeling lucky to be alive! After almost 2 weeks with the stomach flu things are finally looking brighter and my little baby is still kicking! Last week was rather amazing. I finished my endless discussion with the printing publisher, my thesis is now actually being printed! I was sick the whole week, had H:s brothers family here during the weekend (good thing we have 4 toilets in the house, I had my own...). Therefore I'm celebrating this monday by starting a blog. Mostly for my Swedish family and friends but when I go to Sweden shortly also for my Canadian family and friend. So, little something for everyone!

I'm now in week 29, that means it's little over 2 months to go. This fact is a bit scary considering the things that I'm suppose to accomplish before the delivery. My plan is, for those who missed this, to travel to Sweden the 4th of March, have my dissertation the 11th of March, miss Lovisa and Hubert like crazy for 3 weeks (they are arriving the 1st of April) and give birth around the 10th of April. Oh, and before I leave Canada I have to get Lovisa another bed, the new baby will need the crib when we return from Sweden. Besides, Lovisa is getting rather big for the crib, always bumping in to the wall, twisting and turning... But she does look sweet when she's napping in it:

I also need to prepare for the dissertation; study and do a presentation of my thesis. If I'm stressed? Just a bit... Have a lovely week everyone, and don't forget to comment my new blog!