A useless and impatient mother - that's me.

I'm tired. It's my last week at work before vacation and it's hard to get up in the morning. It's hard to push the button to the coffee machine 05:30 am and know that I have a very long day ahead. H and the girls are already on vacation and are snoring and sleeping in our bed when I quietly leave in the morning. After a long workday the girls wants me, H wants me and I'm still very, very tired. So when the girls refused to go to sleep tonight it just burst. I screamed at them, I screamed at H and then I felt like a very useless and impatient mother. So very unnecessary. And then I thought about the young mother that was my patient today, she was 31 years old and just had a major stroke. A beautiful woman, mother of two little children is now half paralyzed. Then I wanted to scream at myself for not being more patient and stronger right now.

To enlighten you a bit more it has been a bit of a struggle to get Andréa to sleep lately and it's starting to drive me and H insane. We got her a new, bigger bed, the same type that Lovisa has. We thought it was time, she started to climb out of her crib and it didn't feel comfortable for her anymore. And she does sleep good in the new bed, she usually sleeps until 4-6 am and then she comes into our bed for a snuggle in the morning. It has actually happened that she slept the whole night through in her new bed so there's hope! But the bedtimes are quite terrible. She gets up numerous of times, fetches toys and books and does absolutely everything to avoid falling asleep.

Andréa in her new bed, finally asleep...

So tonight I just about had it. Lovisa was also being a rascal, she usually falls asleep in one minute but tonight she came up with the bright idea to toss books all over the room and I just lost it. Finally I sat down on a chair in their room explaining to them that I wouldn't move an inch until they were sleeping. When they finally fell asleep I thought an evening run would make me feel better and loose some of my frustration, and it was really great if you just forget the fact that I spitted on myself by mistake, a big slimy spit ended up on my stomach instead of the ground were I was aiming. I guess I had it coming... Goodnight.