It's getting harder...

It's getting harder and harder to cope alone with the girls. I guess it's because I know that it's only two days left before H is returning. Today I was home with both girls and we had a good day although I've been yelling far to much for far to small reasons. I tried to keep ourselves busy with outings, singing, dancing, snacking, cooking and washing but I find that I'm way to impatient now. I apologized to Lovisa for yelling at her when I put her to bed and then she apologized for not listening. For a three year old she do understands a lot!

I find it helps me a lot to have strict routines with the girls. It's even more important when I'm alone and I think it helps the girls to feel more secure too.

The Friday dance after supper is mandatory

But now we're out of maple syrup, I'm so exhausted and we all miss H enormously. Two weeks is a bit to long...

What is French toast without Maple syrup? 

Like our family without H - the essential is missing...

Before and after.

On top of this I'm simultaneously hand washing clothes that happened to be soaked in pee (including my slippers) in the bathtub. Now, tea and chocolate - because I'm bloody worth it.

I'm happy...

I'm happy that somebody is using this. It's almost comical that I actually thought I would be doing a bit of exercise while H is gone. The truth is that when the girls go to bed I have to pick up the pieces and prepare for tomorrow and then I collapse...

I'm also very happy and thankful that my dad and his wife offered to stay with the girls tomorrow so I can work. Yes, it looks like Lovisa has the "hand, foot and mouth disease" as well...

Snow chaos and "hand, foot and mouth disease".

Today Stockholm is paralyzed by a snowstorm. The traffic is chaos, all my patients were late and everyone is in a state of chock. After all, it wasn't that long ago we had our summer shoes and sunhats on... Of course today of all days the daycare called me just before lunch and announced that Andréa has "hand, foot and mouth disease". And what is that you might wonder? It's a virus, like a cold, that gives your child blisters, usually on the hands, feet and in/around the mouth. Three hours after the call we're finally home. You can't be stressed in a snowstorm in Stockholm.

 You can hardly see the daycare from the metro station because of all the snow...

 Even my ugly work looked wintry this morning...

View from our window. It's good to be inside...

Now it's just to wait for the blisters and the storm to go away. No stress...

A break.

The girls are sleeping, the apartment fairly tidy and instead of writing about my crazy day I thought a little survey would be nice. I borrowed it from Kajsa.

Height: 171 cm.
Weight: 57 kg give or take.
Haircolor: Natural blonde (and yes, we do have more fun).
Eyecolor: blue.
Freckles: Not anymore. I had a few as a child but unfortunately they grew away.
The best part of my body: My legs. They take me wherever I want to go and they rarely complain. They can run pretty far if needed.
The worst part of my body: My right shoulder that had the annoying habit of dislocating several times. That's the worst pain I ever felt, way worse than any labor pain...
Scars: A few small ones from cuts, wounds and chicken pox.
Tattoos: Oh no.
Piercings: Oh no, no, no. Not even pierced ears.
Diseases: Is allergy a disease? For me it's a steady state...
Broken bones: My arm twice.
Phobia: To become overweight and fat. Silly maybe, but if the scale shows a few kilo more than usual I quickly loose it...
Obsessions: Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a feeling that the girls are missing. I imagine that Lovisa left the apartment and is wandering around outside, totally unprotected. Of course I have to get up and check on them and once I'm convinced their sleeping tight in their beds I go back to sleep.
Fears: That something bad would happen to the girls. That somebody in my family, including me, becomes seriously ill. To be a failure to myself or to others.
Party trick: I used to be pretty eager to show my "shot a tealight" trick. When the tealight has burnt to liquid you hold it up for everyone to see, blow it out and pour all the candle-grease in your mouth in one shot. Now, here's the tricky part whatever you do, don't swollow it! You keep it in your mouth until it's firm again and then you form a round ball of the soft mass inside your mouth. Take it out and show everyone, it's usually a big success. I didn't do it much lately because I burnt myself when I shot a candle that was way to warm (had been burning for hours). I couldn't eat for days. The price you pay for being tipsy...
The best emotion: to be relaxed and content together with my family. To give and receive love.
The best physical emotion: for me it's almost holy and I'm trying to remember how it was to be totally rested. I also love the feeling of those amazing endorphins that kicks in after a good work out.

Christmas is cancelled.

Intense weekend to say the least. My sister and her daughter visited and with a 1,5 year old and two 3 year olds it's not a quite second! Sliding, baking, playing, laughing, fighting, eating, whining, cuddling, bathing and so much more. And all of a sudden it was Sunday and first Advent, my sister left and all the stars and lights had to be put up in the windows. I discovered I was all out of bulbs and now it's so freaking cold here the girls needed some warmer clothes and Lovisa needed warmer boots. So it was just to take the girls and go to the mall. After we got home and the first candle was lit, I was struggling to assemble one of the bloody stars and the F-word slipped out of me and Lovisa shouted out "Cristmas is cancelled!". Not quite yet but I'm already exhausted...

 Two 3 year olds hanging out...

 Andréa baking her first ginger bread cookie...

Part of the result is now hanging in our kitchen window...

Not quite the most peaceful first Advent I had but undoubtedly a very special one...

And you know what - today is halftime. In one week H is back...

My angels.