Autumn shopping...

Thursday evening I had a girls night out and before meeting my girlfriends I took an hour to do a bit of shopping... Wonderful autumn shirts to stay warm in...

The first one in a beautiful light, grey color. The white one I choose partly because of the comfortable fabric, organic cotton. I found both of them here. 

The girls night out was a very pleasant but short story, the other girls happen to be mothers of tiny toddlers too so I was home before 9 pm... It's nice  to go out with people in the same situation, they don't think you're a weird bore that wants to eat supper at 5 pm and go home at 8 pm, they think you're perfectly normal.

When you think you're unbreakable...

I got a reminder that I'm only human. Woke up with stomach cramps, hurting muscles and fever. Boring, boring, boring. Cancelled interval training, cancelled play date with the girls in the park. Andréa and Lovisa are snotty and whiny and Andréa thought it was a good idea to skip her nap today. That's the first time in her little life she's done that. So we had two tired toddlers before supper time, the only thing we could do was to bribe them... With a piece of bread...

Now I'm hoping to get a good nights sleep so hopefully this worn out body of mine will recuperate...

In the middle of chaos...

At work we are surrounded by chaos. They're rebuilding the whole hospital area which means that dynamite is blowing up the ground, our view is a big hole with a lot of mud and the patients are often confused, upset and late because the usual roads around the hospital are blocked. But in the middle of chaos we have a little park, a place with a lot of oxygen and greenery where you can inhale deep, think and charge your batteries...

That was a little bit more information than I needed...

Lovisa has a lot of thoughts and ideas right now. And she's very talkative and wants to share. Our conversation tonight was a little bit more informative than I'm used to....

Lovisa: Mum, if you would eat poop then you would be upset and start to cry.
Me: Yes, I would definitely not be very happy. But why would I eat poop, that's disgusting! Did you ever eat poop?
Lovisa: Yes, from my butt.
Me: Really?!? Ehhh... That's disgusting! You know you could get sick in your stomach if you eat that?
Lovisa: Ha, ha, ha! I know - it's groose! You shouldn't eat poop! Ha, ha, ha! 

I didn't really know how to react...  I mean, it makes me sick to think that she actually tasted her own shit but on the other hand there are a lot of things she could eat that's way worse than that... And hopefully she didn't really eat it but just wanted to see how I reacted... Hopefully...

If you don't try you don't know how it tastes...

My tightest jeans.

You know those jeans that you keep in the back of your closet, behind all the other clothes, because one day you're going to fit into them again? I bought them about 5 years ago, when I was in pretty good shape, before pregnancies and deliveries. They were tight back then and I remembered they used to be my measurement if I gained a bit of weight, because if I did they didn't fit and were very uncomfortable to wear. When we moved from Canada to Sweden I really had to limit the packing but these jeans, that were way to tight then, I couldn't leave behind. Because one day...

That day happened to be today. They fit perfectly. To start working has a lot of benefits. One of them is that I have more regular eating habits and no time for "fika"! And all my running allows me to eat treats and goodies without gaining... Win, win , win!

It's here for real.

The autumn is here for real and it's just getting darker and colder. I ran home from work today (yes, I've been keeping up my good habit) and it was to cold for short pants and t-shirt. My hands were like frozen lumps when I arrived home... Now I could think "bloody hell autumn is cold and boring" but I don't, instead I'm thinking that it's going to be nice to buy some new warm running clothes. Because shopping is always fun.

The girls just love it right now... No hard feelings that summer ended to fast...

Big mistake...

Speaking of the constant worrying that comes with parenthood ... Big mistake to watch this movie if you're already a worried parent. And if you're not you're bound to be after seeing this creepy movie. Excellent actors but a terrible and horrifying story. H rented it and thought it was a comedy, boy was he wrong...

Disgusting!

To eat cookies, cake, pizza, chocolate and chips during the same day is just disgusting. Yesterday wasn't the best day from a nutritional point of view...

About worrying.

It's absolutely no end to how much I worry about the girls. That they're going to get seriously ill, run away, choke, fall down from a tree in the park, get hit by a car, sleepwalking out from the apartment (I mean it could happen that we forget to lock the door, we're after all humans...), that they're going to get bullied at school, be unhappy, get eating disorders, start taking drugs, get bad boyfriends and so on...

When I tell people about these fears they usually look at me with a superior little smile, twist their heads a bit and say "This comes with parenthood and you know, small children small problems, big children big problems"....

Is that suppose to be a comfort?! The little worrying ache in my stomach only gets bigger and if it's like this now how is it going to be like in say 10-12 years when the girls are teenagers? I'm probably going to have both an ulcer and a psychologist...

How can the sweetest thing on earth be the source of so much worry?

My autumn goal!

Why stop with the autumn theme just yet, autumn has just begun! I just signed up to run "Hässelbyloppet", another 10K race. My goal is of course to beat my recent 10K time 54:49. Better get my ass (and my legs) moving...

Autumn survey!

Continuing on the autumn theme and thought a little survey could cheer us up. I found this one here and translated it myself. Enjoy!

1. Do you feel mightily happy and cheerful now that fall is upon us?
Quite happy and pleased actually. I like fall and is also looking forward to getting in to my work more and finding out the logistics around it. Challenging but doable!

2. What will be your most used garment during this fall?
Probably my old, worn out, black leather jacket. I'm so comfortable in it and I still think it's really cool.

3. What did you do this time last year - how was your life?
I was a stay-at-home-mum in Montreal with one toddler and a baby to handle. H was working on getting a job here in Sweden and I was keeping my fingers crossed.

4. What do you do all day long really?
I'm trying my best to figure out how to work hard and enthusiastically and be a good mother. It's hard but it has to be, as mentioned before, doable!

5. What kind of haircut will you have?
I was thinking about letting it grow out to be really long. I didn't have really long hair since I was a child and it would be nice. But then I thought about it a bit more and realized I'm way to comfortable in the haircut I have now and besides, my hair gets flat and boring when it's long...

6. What kind of music do you listen to?
I listen a lot to a Swedish sing and songwriter named Laleh. Her latest album "Sjung" is really good.

7. What do you read?
I'm reading "The snowman" by Jo Nesbö. It's the seventh book about inspector Harry Hole and if you didn't read them you have to! They're absolutely addictive. Just make sure you don't start late one evening if you're going up for work, the risk is that you'll stay up half the night...

8. What's your best beauty tip for autumn?
Fresh air and exercise.

9. Are you in love?
Yes, madly.

10. What did your last SMS say?
"Home in one minute"

11. Do you have any regrets this years?
Nope.

12. What was best this summer?
Everything! It was a great summer! We did so much and the girls grew, evolved and had a terrific time.

13. What was worst this summer?
OK, the weather could have been better, at least a bit warmer.

14. Did it turn out the way you expected?
Yes, it was just to short as usual.

15. What do you want?
I want a pulse watch, something like this to take my running to the next level.

16. Last seen movie?
Oh, some embarrassing comedy with Steve Carell that H wanted to see...

17. Last bought clothing?
A white blouse and a black dress. I've already worn them several times and like them a lot.

18. How do you see the future?
Bright and exciting with a touch of anxiety.

It's not all bad.

Fall is here and it's easy to fall in depression, but here's a few things that I just love about the season when Sweden falls into darkness:

• Apples and all the other fruits we pick in September/October! Makes me miss Quebec a bit, apple picking is a big thing there...
• It's totally allowed to stay in bed and cudle, with your partner, your children or yourself - wonderful!
• The fresh air! It's nothing quite like the freshness in fall air that just wants me to inhale forever and ever...
• Lit candles for breakfast and supper time - I love it!
• All the beautiful colors in nature...

 Apple picking in Quebec, September last year

Coma tired it was.

The whole family dead asleep until I woke up thinking it was very bright outside to be before 05:50 am (when my alarm usually wakes me up). Only it wasn't 05 am something but 07 am. 7 am I'm usually on my way to work. I hate to over sleep! I'm very punctual and there's no excuse to be late unless you got hit by the bus, your baby vomited all over you or your flight was cancelled... But to over sleep because your alarm on your mobile didn't ring is just... Pathetic!

Good thing I have the best boyfriend in the whole world that made me a sandwich that I can eat on my way... Couldn't somebody just cancel Monday mornings permanently?

Coma tired.

After a wonderful weekend with my sister and niece visiting I'm dead tired. Even more tired than I was Thursday when I thought I couldn't get more tired. And the reason is a bit pathetic; me and my sister sat up until midnight chatting away drinking wine. But it was all worth it because it's a big difference being tired from something positive you chose to do rather than being woken up 10 times from a screaming toddler. And it was so nice to talk, talk, talk, with my dear, dear sister. It happens way to rarely. And when we finally fell to bed around midnight I slept the whole night until around 7 am. Yes, finally Andréa and me slept the whole night through. Good thing we had some leftovers from last weekends party to keep us awake today...

Party leftovers! 

I can't really call myself a party girl anymore...

Seriously!

Why is it that just when I thought everything actually was going pretty smooth everything crashes? I thought I'd be writing a post about how surprisingly easy it was to be a working mother but here I am feeling like a living wreck... Andréa is not sleeping very well again. It seems like it's her way of telling us that something is wrong. Some children whine and cry, some are unhappy at daycare, some doesn't eat, Andréa doesn't sleep very well. We think she's teething (like we always do when she's snotty, drooling and sleeps bad) and considering it's been a lot of change in her short life recently it's not that strange that she reacts. But it's so bloody hard not to get your sleep. I'll never get used to it. And what is more worrying is that once she finally sleeps I can't sleep anyway. Go to sleep stupid woman! The day after I have no patience at all and everything and everyone seems to be against me.

So what I'd like to say with this post is that it's pretty darn hard to be a working mother. Today was a pretty intense day at work and after picking up the kids, fixing supper and doing all the "musts" I'm a wreck. And just because I'm a wreck I thought I'd cheer myself up with a facial mask. This one is on me: to all my readers I give you  the living wreck:

God night!

The best gift.

The best gift Lovisa got for her birthday according to her mum is the play tent. Lovisa plays in it quite a lot and her sister is even more enthusiastic, she can spend hours in there... Very convenient if you ask me...

If you ask Lovisa what her favorite gift is it's probably the little pink, plastic car or the little pink handbag...

Interval training.

It better improve my running because it was bloody hard. I did my first real interval training today. Warmed up by jogging 1 km, then I ran up our steep and long hill and jogged down slowly, repeated this 10 times and finished the whole workout with 1 km slow jogging. No, it was not fun at all... Now tea and toast and off to bed.

VAB

From one institution in Sweden, maternity leave, to the next; VAB (vård av barn). That means you're home nursing your sick child. In Sweden we get almost 80% of our ordinary salary when we do "VAB:ing". Before I got children I remember those people that often was home for VAB and how all the other colleagues (well, maybe not all but many) rolled their eyes and whispered "is she home AGAIN?!?!". To all of you people that think VAB is some kind of vacation: I don't mind changing with you at all. I'd love to go to work. Because honestly it's like having your worst nightmare come true when you have to see your child sick.

But one thing is clear, it is hard to draw the line when to keep your child home or not. Children are mysterious creatures and sometimes they appear much more sick than they are but sometimes they seem much better than they really are. This time it wasn't so bad with Lovisa's fever after all. She woke us up in the middle of the night with a terribly high fever, we gave her water and Tylenol and after a while she fell back to sleep. This morning she was tired and slept in and I didn't dare to send her to daycare. But she's been fine today, no fever, very energetic and really bored to be at home with me.

I hope I can work tomorrow, VAB is not the vacation you want, believe me.

I'm so good!

Friday morning I did it - I ran to work for the first time. It took a bit of planning; clothes, breakfast, extra shoes, towel and shower items I already brought earlier during the week. It was a great start of the day, I took of at 6 am to avoid the worst morning traffic. My route went through the central parts of Stockholm since I live south of the city and work north of it, I ran over 5 bridges and enjoyed the beauty of our "water capital". 51 minutes and 9,45 km later I took a quick shower, ate a fast breakfast and then I was totally ready to face the day! Instead of my usual morning pale face color it was more reddish this Friday...

Today I ran home from work. A little bit more messy with a lot of traffic, pedestrians and cyclists but it felt great too. I ran directly to the daycare and gave my little darlings a sweaty hug. To run from work to the daycare was longer, almost 11 km and it took me 1 hour since the traffic was worse. Now I'm sitting here feeling all proud over my new habit (two times makes a habit - right?!) because it's so great to have the opportunity to exercise without taking time from being with the family. This way I get a really good workout and nobody misses me! And honestly, it doesn't take that much longer to run than taking the metro and the bus... But it do take more planning and a strong mind!

Happy after my achievement!

H thinks I'm rather crazy but I think I'm superwoman! Wohooo!

Lovisa 3 years old!

Three years ago at Danderyds hospital a very special girl saw the daylight. I was a mother for the first time in my life and H and me really became a real family. Unreal! And it's even more unreal that it already past three years and our little baby climbs, speaks, draws, sleeps without diapers and swears (I believe that's partially my fault...).

 Hours old in papas arms

 One year old already!

Two years old!

 Today, three years old!

Papas girl!

We had a wonderful day filled with lots of good food and sweets, laughter and love!

Lovisa with her morning gift, an umbrella with "spöket laban"

 Morfar helped to open all the nice gifts...

 Andréa got a hat from mormor as a little comfort gift... She was very happy about that!

 I baked all evening yesterday and half Saturday, these mini cupcakes were absolutely delicious...

The cake!

Lovisa is still playing with all the gifts and I have a feeling it's going to be a bit hard to make her sleep tonight. But it's not every day a girl turns three years old... 

My day.

Godmorning!

Work, work, work! Get the kids! Go to the park just for a fast visit! Rushing home! Making supper! Andréa poops on the floor! Bath time! Snuggle time!

Goodnight!

Exhausted.

Ok I admit, I'm really tired tonight. To try to get back in "work-mood" with early mornings, trying to show enthusiasm and engagement at work, picking up the girls, fixing supper, giving them a bath, cut their hair and try to prepare for Saturday's birthday party is a bit exhausting... I promise - no baking tonight!

Think twice.

I've been thinking about this and I can't just let it go. When I got my bib for Saturday's race I also got a "goodie bag". A bag full of information, papers and samples from different sponsors. This bag was given to everyone regardless of age and/or disease. For example this pack of pills was there, "take one pill per day to increase your brain capacity" it says on the box.



I just hope everyone think twice before eating a product like this. To eat B vitamins thousands times more than the daily recommended dose (RDI) is not anything I would recommend if your doctor didn't prescribe it for a specific reason. Some of these vitamins and minerals are stored in the liver and you don't have to be a genius to understand that it's a lot of work to take care of to high amounts. And the amounts in this box are gigantic.

No, skip these pills and take a nice evening walk or a yoga pass instead and increase your brain capacity without shocking your liver!

Efficient or just insane?

I don't know if it was good or just plain stupid to bake 24 pizza buns after my first work day in three years but now it's done. The whole apartment smells like a little pizza place. We have a soon to be three year old that's all excited over her coming party on Saturday and I have to start preparing because my feeling is I'm not going to see this week go by...

And oh, work was fine, I even got a massage. Now - sleep!

And so it begins...

Kissed the girls and my man goodbye (well, Lovisa was still sleeping so she got an extra tender look). Now on the bus through Stockholm together with a bunch of tired strangers. My new life begins...

54:49!

It was wet, it was hard and it was absolutely wonderful! Here I am with two other brave women after the race, we were 25 761 women that finished the race. 

After the race and my relatively new white shoes are no longer white...

My summergoal was to complete this race in less than 60 minutes so I'm very happy about my time. Now I've got a taste for running and I want to find a goal for this autumn - any ideas?

To celebrate our achievement we went out to do Stockholm last night. We ate good food, drank good drinks, talked, danced and laughed. It was a wonderful evening and it was the first time for years (the first time since Lovisa was born actually) that I had a real night out. A good energy boost before my first workweek...